


Gaia's Lament

by chouchou_san13



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 21:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18821359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chouchou_san13/pseuds/chouchou_san13
Summary: L reflects on his feelings for Misa - regrets, joys... and heartbreaks.





	Gaia's Lament

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is a little oneshot I wrote a couple years ago. I based it off of "Gaia's Lament," a song L's voice actor sang. Hope you enjoy!

_Alone, she sleeps, in the shirt of man  
With my three wishes, clutched in her hand_

     L hadn’t intended to fall in love. It was one of the last things he wanted to do, only being topped by dying and running out of sugar. He’d always been content to be alone, never wanting the company of others. It was how he’d always lived, after all, starting even before he lived at the Wammy’s House. If the Kira case had never begun, L probably would have continued to lurk in the shadows, speaking to no one unless a case required it, and even in that scenario it would most definitely be over the phone or via the computer. The idea of love and relationships repulsed him, as he could never trust another person enough to devote his life to him or her. It was just the way his mind worked, in his line of business, trusting the wrong person could get him killed in a number of horrific, unspeakable ways. His brain had always ruled his heart, not the other way around. At least… it had before he met her.

     Misa Amane.

     She definitely wasn’t the smartest, she had little to no common sense, and she was utterly infatuated with Light Yagami. But somehow, in some horrible, twisted way, she dug her way into his heart.

     It took him months to realize it, actually. During the days when she and Light were in confinement, he thought nothing of it. But when she cried… when she wished for death, begged for it… he began to feel something akin to guilt. His emotions at that point were so dulled, guilt was a bit too strong of a word. However, that uncomfortable feeling remained until she was released. It got even worse when her entire persona changed, and she became nothing more than an airheaded model. He knew she had nothing more to offer, no information that he could extract from her. L realized that she had forgotten, in some impossible way, yet he didn’t let her go free. How could he, when both she and Light had lost their memories at the same time? It was an elaborate scheme, a way to escape, and he had no choice but to force them to stay the duration of fifty days. Even then, he felt nothing more than an unease for what he did to her, certainly no love or affection.

     The next time he felt something for Misa, it was when her memories were still lost. She and Light had been on a… date… if one could even call it that. It was the first since the two of them had been let out of confinement, and he had asked for her cake. It had been nothing more than a simple question, but it gave him the opportunity to make fun and joke with her. “If you use your head, you can still eat sweets without gaining weight.” Misa hadn’t taken it the best, and had yelled at him. “Hey! You’re making fun of me again!” Even if she and Light hadn’t seen it, L had had the faintest trace of a grin on his face. It had been amusing, to jest with her like that. And though he wouldn’t admit it, she was quite cute when she was angry.  

     Then, later, she kissed him.  _Misa Amane_  had kissed  _L Lawliet_. Things like that just didn’t happen, especially not to him. It was his first, and quite possibly only kiss- well, as close as he would get to one, anyway. It had just been a peck on the cheek, but it made his stomach twist and his heart pound and everything was happening so quickly, he lost the ability to rationalize, yet his brain was going at two thousand miles an hour, it was so confusing, so wrong, yet also so wonderful. That was when it all clicked, when everything he had been feeling (including the hurt that had come moments before, from talking about her love for light) made sense. The guilt, the odd feelings in his stomach that occurred every so often when looking at or thinking about her- they were all signs. L just wanted to smack himself for not realizing it before.

     “I could fall in love with you, you know.” It was blurted out in the seconds his brain had short-circuited. He hadn’t thought about the words, and cringed at his stupidity. If Misa were to actually believe and find out the truth… if she were to share his affections… it could kill him. He wasn’t supposed to- no. L wasn’t allowed to fall in love. Misa couldn’t know the actual truth, neither could Light. What he had done had been a very, very moronic move on his part. But it was alright, he decided. After all, Light was intelligent, and thought through every word L said. He would more than likely believe it to be false, that L had said that just to gain Misa’s trust. And that was fine with him. Besides, it wasn’t as if he said it with any trace of emotion, after all.

_The first that she be spared the pain,  
That comes from a dark, and laughing reign_

     It was obvious that Misa’s feelings weren’t reciprocated by Light. At the very least, he was apathetic. In fact, L could go as far as to say Light hated her, or something close to it. Even without knowing about the fact that Misa had the Shinigami eyes, it was obvious that Kira was using the second Kira to do as he pleased. And Light was Kira, and Misa was the second Kira. It hurt to think about, but it was true. The evidence was piled way too high against their favor in order for it to be false.

     L wasn’t sure what upset him more, the way Light used Misa, or how he talked to her and about her. Misa definitely wasn’t as intelligent as Light or L, but she was clever. She was able to contact Light without being detected until later, and she had her own assets. Her acting and lying skills were incredible, probably better than Light’s, and she was able to charm her way into anything- including L’s heart. If she wasn’t so infatuated with Light, she could have been a big help in the case. However… that was never to be. Misa had become tangled in Light’s web of lies, and it was unlikely she would ever escape.

     L was sure that Misa was the second Kira, that much was obvious. He was also pretty sure that the only reason she had been deluded into following Light was her apparent “love,” for him. She wasn’t in love with him, it was mere infatuation… that was what he always told himself. He had to believe it, or he would go crazy. He often wondered what would happen to her when he died (he was sure he would at some point in the case, especially after Light got his memories back.) He knew of Light’s perfect world, the one that Light thought he could create, but where would Misa fit into the equation?

     He suspected that Misa would be thrown to the side, as so many other girls were in Light’s life. She would have gone so far, had so much blood on her hands, just to be tossed away like she was nothing. He wanted to live, and wanted to stop Kira, if only because it would help her. She wouldn’t tarnish her soul any more than she already had.

_When she finds love, may it always stay true  
This I beg for the second wish, I made too_

     “Misa, do you love Light?” It was said for more than one reason. First and foremost, he needed to know if she would help with the case. That was the only conscious reason he had for asking, though when L reflected upon it later, it had also been to verify Misa’s feelings for himself.

     “Yes, very much.” It stung, though for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. He blinked, surprised by his reaction, before quickly diverting the subject, relating it to the case. He was confident that neither of the Kiras noticed, and was relieved by that fact. If Light were to regain his memory (and L was sure that it would happen at some point, though he didn’t know when or how quickly,) he wouldn’t hesitate to use L’s feelings against him. He wouldn’t hesitate to use  _Misa_  against him. Light definitely didn’t love or care for her, not the way he should. He only used her as a pawn, but she would throw her life away for him.

     That wasn’t to say that L was innocent, either. After all, in that same conversation, he convinced her to risk her life for the case (or, more accurately, Light.) But he was sure that Misa would be alright, that they would win against the Yatsuba group. L had been right, and Misa had been saved.

     However, Light had merely used her to kill L. He knew this, but still fell, deeper and deeper in love with the girl. She would never love him, but he hoped that in time, she’d find someone who loved and deserved her.

_But wish no more, my life you can take,  
To have her please, just one day wake_

     So many things happened the week before he died.

     He had to allow Light to go free, for one. He knew that although he still suspected Light of being Kira, the task force wouldn’t. L had no other choice.

     Misa was the first person to see Light, and L knew something was wrong with how the two interacted. Light continued to command her, which in and of itself was cause for concern. But she left so quickly after seeing him, it was unusual. She didn’t beg him to let her stay longer, or cling to him like she normally did. It just wasn’t right, it wasn’t like her. L was tempted to ask Light what the two had talked about, but he knew that it wouldn’t bring anything to light. The other genius was just a good a liar as L was, and there was no way he’d tell the truth, even if it was entirely innocent. Light just didn’t work that way.

     L noticed that at the end of Misa and Light’s conversation, she seemed a little sad. It was odd, as she was almost always so upbeat and cheerful, but with just one little conversation her demeanor changed. She could hide it well enough, but L could still see that she wasn’t as peppy as normal. After running it over quickly, he realized that she had been ordered to kill. He didn’t know how, but Misa had a notebook again. The way Misa responded to the order was different than normal, however. Misa had killed so many others without a second thought, not caring about who died, just as long as she pleased Light. Something was different, killing like this didn’t affect Misa… then L figured it out. She had to kill someone she cared about, and there was no one else Light would want to kill… but him.

     In any other circumstance, L would have been happy to know that Misa really did care, if only platonically. It was hard to be joyful, however, when death was just around the corner. Even if it wasn’t Misa doing it, it would be someone- Rem? Either way, he wasn’t happy. L was depressed the entire day, and it showed. His headache from the worry and stress only got worse the longer he lived, he knew that he’d die soon. It was agony being forced to wait.

     The rain helped to clear his head a bit, and made the bells stop ringing. It’d been happening all day. Logically, he knew that they were probably a form of tinnitus induced by stress, but a small part of him wondered if somehow, it was God, or angels, or any other higher being. The thought plagued him, though it also placated him, in a way. The louder they got, the closer to the end he was, and he knew he was very, very close. A thought of suicide crossed his mind, but he pushed it quickly away, knowing that his end would come soon enough. He wouldn’t give Light the satisfaction of knowing that he was the cause of L’s suicide, it’d be a sign of giving up. And L Lawliet refused to give up.

     Watari was dead. Watari was dead. Watari was dead Watari was dead WatariwasdeadWatariwasdeadWatariwas-

     No. He couldn’t become distressed, the task force had no idea what was happening, and he had to at least try to direct them. It was the most he could do, at that point.

     “Everyone! The Shinig-” And that was it. A terrible pain overtook his heart, the bells nearly drowning out any noise that was occurring.  _“Ryuuzaki? What’s wrong?”_   Matsuda. The voice sounded so far away, merely echoes amidst the bells chiming away.  _A wedding… or a…_  He vaguely felt himself collapse out of his chair, and warmth as Light caught him.

     L groggily tried to look around, staring into Light’s eyes. The eyes of his murderer.  _Such pretty brown eyes… Like Misa’s…_ No, no he couldn’t think like that. There was no point in trying to think of her now, he needed to figure out how to survive. There had to be a way, he had to finish the case.

_The bells… the bells drowned out everything, finally changing in pitch, becoming a sort of song as his body grew weaker. Stained glass windows surrounded him, Intricate patterns woven into them. The light shined through them, the vibrant colors blinding him, yet also letting him see everything at once. Children cried… it was a funeral after all…_

     L saw once more, staring at Light’s face again. He had been right, there was no doubt about it. He knew now what Rem had done… he couldn’t blame her. After all, L had only been trying to do the same thing: protect Misa. Yet in the end, they both failed, didn’t they? He felt a sort of kinship with the Shinigami, almost feeling her soul die along with his, L’s eyes finally growing clear. He’d finally understood, understood everything… but it was too late. His beautiful, sharp grey eyes closed as his heart slowed, finally coming to a stop.

_To have her please….just one day wake._

**_Misa…._ **

**_I’m sorry._ **


End file.
